Relative Lunacy
by rock-the-casbah18
Summary: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. That's what it's all about. A Slytherin band, with our very own Draco, Blaise, Pansy and Millie, is breaking out onto the music scene. BHr
1. The Deadbeats

**The Deadbeats ** **By: rock-the-casbah18**

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Basic details and some main ideas are hers, too. But the plot is mine.

**A/N: **I've read a lot of fics. I mean, _a lot _of fics. One type of story that keeps turning up is a band story. I've read at least ten stories in which there is a Slytherin band, often with Draco Malfoy as a lead singer, and Pansy acting as some androgynous drummer. So, I've become inspired. This fic is, at most, a crack-fic, which makes no sense and has no particular direction. But I love music with a diehard passion, so I think that this story may turn out better than expected. Hope you love it!

**Chapter One: In which Blaise gets involved in something he'd rather not.**

"What sane seventeen year-old male wouldn't want loads of screaming girls, _willing to lift up their tops_, fawning over them? Exactly what is your problem Zabini?" Draco Malfoy stood in front of Blaise Zabini, arms crossed over his chest, head tilted to one side, lips in a thin line. In other words, Draco was acting like a diva. Or a divo. Whatever you called a boy that was acting like a spoiled princess (or prince, in this case.)

"Jesus Christ, Draco! I just don't want to. It's N.E.W.T. year and I'll have to get a lot of extra studying in. Plus, I don't need to be in a band to get girls to show me their tits," Blaise replied, smirking at his own wit. Draco raised a pale eyebrow at his best mate, making a quick decision. Walking over to where Blaise's pitch-black bass guitar rested on its stand, Draco grabbed it by the neck, and began walking down the dormitory steps, in the direction of the common room.

"And just what the bloody hell do you think you're doing," Blaise asked incredulously, stalking across the room to where Draco stood in the doorway.

"Well, if you won't join my band and put your talent to use, I'll just have to find someone else to use this beautiful instrument," Draco said smugly, too smugly, and continued his way down the stone staircase.

"How-but- wait up, Draco! You can't just give my guitar away! It's mine!" Blaise stormed down the stairs after Draco, racing to get his guitar back. "I'll join your fuckin' band, Malfoy! I'll join! Just gimme my fuckin' guitar back!"

From farther down the stairwell, an amused voice reached Blaise's ears. "Has anyone ever told you how easy you are, Zabini?"

"Only your mom, Mal-ferret!"

XxXxX

"String Cheese Incident? Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Blaise lounged on the emerald (oddly enough) couch in the Slytherin common room, staring at his mates, and fellow band-members, as if they were absolutely stupid.

"It's the name of a muggle band anyway. And Christ, Blaise- it isn't like you've come up with a better name. I mean, Stolen Dignity? What the bleedin' hell is that supposed to mean," Millicent Bulstrode bit out, glaring at her oldest friend angrily. In the past couple of hours, Blaise, Millicent, Draco and surprisingly Pansy Parkinson, had been arguing over band names. _Hours_, arguing over band names. And it was borderline ridiculous.

"Erm, how 'bout something like… Eggplant Redemption," Pansy said quietly. She had been quiet for most of the 'meeting', sitting at a wooden table, humming through the words of a newly written song. It was amazing, how music could posses the usually bossy Slytherin. As soon as an idea for a song hatched in her head, Pansy would convert into her mute artist mode and zone out from the real world, just until her song was finished.

"Okay, I take back what I said about Blaise having the stupidest idea. Pansy, you just now took that title."

"I'm a genius. I'm a Malfoy and a genius and a hell of a lot more creative than you lot."

"What is it Draco, oh mighty one, ruler of my universe?"

"Ew, Zabini. Homo, much? Not that there's anything wrong with it, but- just no. I've got the name for the band."

"Then spill it, fuckface!"

"For a girl Mil, you certainly have a sailor's mouth. And the name would be Relative Lunacy. Go ahead, tell me I'm brilliant."

"I take back what I said about you being a fuckface." "Works for me. And I'm not gay!" "I think it'll fit my songs."

Draco slumped down on the couch, Blaise angrily moving his feet to avoid getting them smushed. The platinum-haired, pompous git was far to conceited for his own good. Soon enough, he would be ordering the others around, telling them to fetch this, fetch that, do this, fix that. Ah, well, it wouldn't be that much different from how things normally were. Blaise would just have to slug him harder now.

"As much as I hate to admit it, you are brilliant Draco. Relative Lunacy has such a nice ring to it; I can definitely hear them chanting our name." Millie plunked down into a leather wingback chair, picking up her teal electric guitar, idly plucking away at the six strings.

"Yeah, the idea is good. I can deal with that band name. But there's one major problem, you guys."

"And girls, Zabini. What would that be," Pansy asked, once again surfacing from where she was currently drowning herself in her song-writing.

"We have no set songs. Oh, _and _we don't have any music. _And_ we don't even know if we can work well together! Which means we have _three _major problems!" The Italian Slytherin sat down again- he had stood up menacingly during his rant- and cursed in his native language under his breath. "I shouldn't have done this. I should've just let Draco have my fuckin' guitar, went back to studying, and just gotten on with my life. But no, I had to go and join up in _this_, this thing that you can hardly call a band. I'm out for the night."

Blaise sprung up from the couch and trudged towards the boys' dorm. Yeah, this band thing, it was probably a stupid idea. And Blaise didn't want to stick around and find out.

XxXxX

But two days, much persuasion, and a whole sack of coffee beans later, and Blaise was back in the band. Not that he had really ever left anyway. But the others could tell he was looking forward to being in this thing, not just dreading it, or treating it as an occupation.

"Sex, drugs and rock and roll," Draco had said to Blaise, right after he had persuaded Blaise into coming down for a band practice. "But especially the sex."

**A/N: I know it's short! If I get positive feedback, I will most definitely continue. Well, I'll continue anyway, just for the hell of it. Next chapter will include: getting a gig, HermionexBlaise lovin' (though it probably won't be smut…yet), and a PMSing Draco. Review? For me?**


	2. You're like Heaven to Touch

**Chapter Two By: rock-the-casbah18**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it. I just like to twist the characters to do whatever I want them too. (Cue evil laughter)

**A/N:** Thank you reviewers! You made me blush, squee, bounce- and any other appropriate adjective- with happiness. I really wasn't sure how this story would go over, but I'm definitely going to continue it. I've been in Europe for the past eleven days, so I haven't been able to update, but you all are lucky- it's my first day back and I'm already writing! Hope you enjoy this chapter- it's all I've promised- BHr action, a gig, and a PMSing Draco…or is he pregnant? Just read on!

**Chapter Two: **In which Blaise needs to study anatomy and Draco gets on his knees

"Anatomy?" Tears leaked from the corners of Draco's grey eyes, and he shook with mirth. "Granger's your partner in _Anatomy_? I used to hate Muggle Studies, but I think I'm going to enjoy it a helluva' lot more now!" Draco continued to laugh quite hysterically (and obnoxiously) as Blaise sat adjacent from him at the Slytherin table, looking like he might vomit in his dinner. Which would be a shame, seeing as tonight they had made spaghetti, and while the sauce couldn't even compare to Blaise's mum's, it was still spaghetti.

"Draco, it's not that fuckin' funny!" Blaise looked around the table at his band mates, all of whom were sporting cheesy grins and were smothering their laughter the best they could. "Is it?"

"Blaise you have to admit- a semester of Anatomy classes with the Gryffindor prude are going to be pretty damn amusing." Millicent chuckled as she went back to her pasta, slurping it up in a way that made Blaise cringe and twirl his own pasta perfectly around his fork before eating it.

"I'll give you five galleons and some of my father's best whiskey if you ask the prude if you can study her anatomy in the library sometime," Draco said teasingly, nudging Blaise in the ribs.

"Why would you pay him? Everyone knows Blaise would ask the pretty Gryff for free. And he'd actually follow through with it too," Pansy acknowledged wisely. Blaise's hand shot out to cover her mouth, a stream of curses being muttered under his breath. Draco laughed out loud when he heard Blaise label Pansy as a 'whorefacedskankyasshoebag'.

"Oh, come on Blaise. Everyone knows you want to study Granger's _chat parfaitement intact_." Draco raised his eyebrows suggestively, smirking his signature smirk. It wouldn't be a normal meal without a smirk form Draco. Or without the witty little comments in French. It was rumored that Draco only learned French when he realized how many girls Blaise got when he spoke his native tongue, Italian.

"I don't even know what that means," Blaise said annoyed. French always annoyed him.

"Neither do I, but I'm sure it means something along the lines of 'cunt'." Millicent hadn't said all that much at dinner, and her crude words made Blaise blush like a silly little schoolgirl. Or a virgin. Of which he was neither.

"Who the hell decided that we would take anatomy anyway? I think it's just an excuse for a very long and boring sex ed. I mean, we won't get to the good stuff for a couple weeks, but I can't wait to see Granger's reaction when we do. Perhaps you could, uh, help her with that, Blaise." Pansy looked up at Blaise from where she was constructing little hills and valleys, pushing her spaghetti around on her plate, grinning playfully.

"Maybe I should," Blaise said in serious tone. "Seeing as my 'best friends' are absolute dumbfucks." Millicent rolled her eyes at that last sentiment, and Draco made a suggestive hand motion that really, _really_ shouldn't be made in public.

"I've got homework to do," Blaise said, excusing himself from the table. "Not to mention the fact that I've got a bass line to memorize."

XxXxX

"Please Professor, pretty, pretty please! I'll stop teasing the Gryffindors! And the Ravenclaws! And even the Hufflepuffs! Just please let us play at the Back to School Ball!" Draco Malfoy never, ever begged. And he never, ever got on his knees. Well, okay, maybe he did once or twice, but those were for far more pleasurable reasons. But right now, Draco was both begging _and _on his knees in Professor Dumbledore's office, his hands clasped together like a peasants. He wanted that gig. Relative Lunacy wanted that gig.

"I just don't see how your band can be prepared yet, Mr. Malfoy. You just informed me that you've only been together for two weeks. That can not have been enough time to learn songs," Dumbledore spoke, slowly and surely, that same damn twinkle in his eye. Draco wanted to hit him. Hard. Harder than ever before.

"But we _have_ learned songs Professor," Draco whined madly. "These past two weeks have been nothing but practices and meetings, I swear!"

"You shouldn't swear, Draco. You shouldn't start sentences with conjunctions, either. You aren't making a very good impression on me Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore said between chuckles, placing his hand discreetly over his mouth as to hide his small grin.

"Argh!" Draco slammed both of his hands against his face, furiously rubbing at his eyes, in what Dumbledore assumed was agony. "Please, Professor. I promise that you won't be disappointed. If we can't play at the Back to School Ball, can we play at the All Hallows Eve dance? Just please give us somewhere to play. We've worked too hard to not have anywhere to showcase our talent."

Dumbledore sighed deeply, those cerulean eyes still twinkling, as he extended a pale, wrinkled hand to Draco. "The Halloween dance it is, then." Draco's face lit up with a grin, and he eagerly accepted Dumbledore's hand.

"We won't let you down, Professor! I promise you that!" And with those final words, Draco was rocketing from the Headmaster's office, eager to tell his mates the brilliant news.

XxXxX

"Meep." It wasn't really a word, but 'meep' was definitely the sound that came from Blaise's mouth as he took his seat next to Hermione Granger in Muggle Studies. Blaise wasn't the type to suffer rare panic attacks, or to be overly anxious, but he was sitting in _Anatomy_ next to a girl whom he harbored lusty feelings for. He had only noticed the intelligent Gryffindor in the past couple of years, when she had begun transformation from a bushy-haired stick to a fiery, curvy woman. At seventeen, Hermione was no rare beauty, but one glimpse of her body outlined in her tight-fitting uniform, and Blaise was already referring back to every sexual experience he had ever had, replacing those girls with Hermione. It really was a shame that the proper bookworm mainly wore the regulation robes- well, at least it was to Blaise.

Blaise couldn't help it. He was lovesick. Hermione looked over at him when he 'meeped', a puzzled look crossing her features. This was not the way to start the semester, scaring the girl you wanted to fuck- so badly it hurt- away because you couldn't even form intelligible sentences in her mere presence.

"Ahem. So, I, um, guess that we're partners this semester," Blaise said quietly, clearing his throat.

"Uh. Yes, Zabini, that's right." Hermione looked at Blaise as if he was mental, or six years old. Internally, Blaise was smacking his head on the hard wooden desk in front of him, repeating his mantra- '_stupid, stupid, stupid'_.

"Um, yeah." Blaise's voice was shaking, and he shot a quick glance over to Draco, who was in hysterics at Blaise's expense. Blaise had to suck it up though; the bet had taken a more serious turn, and if Blaise didn't make some lewd comment about Hermione's anatomy, he owed Draco ten galleons, the finest wine from his family's vineyard, and, as punishment to himself, had to stay celibate for three months. Which was not going to happen, not even if hell froze over.

"So, Granger," Blaise began, reverting into the smooth Casanova that he only was around the ladies. "I'm not very good at anatomy, and I'm definitely going to need to do some extra studying if I'm ever going to pass end-of-term exams."

"That's nice, Zabini," Hermione said distractedly, rifling through spare pieces of parchment, no doubt looking for one that held notes about the topics she had researched over the summer holidays.

"You see, Hermione," Blaise continued, finally receiving the girl's attention when he used her given name. "I'm one of those kinetic learners. You know what I mean? I learn better if I have something to feel, to touch, you know?" Blaise scooted to the edge of his seat, accidentally knocking his knees against Hermione's. He leaned in and stared directly into Hermione's warm, amber eyes. Fear, confusion, and some unnamed emotion flickered in her chocolate orbs, and she stared back at him fiercely, focusing on his indigo eyes.

"I was wondering, if maybe I could use your body as a sort of study tool, since you _are _the perfect example of the female anatomy." Blaise let his hands stray where they pleased, cupping one of Hermione's knees in one hand, the other hand resting on her cheek. Hermione shuddered the handsome Italian off, and heat radiated from her violent glare.

"You're going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than that to feel me up, Zabini," Hermione bit out coldly, blushing at her own words. At this point, Draco was halfway falling out of his seat, clutching his sides as he rang out with laughter. Blaise had won the bet, but he wasn't all that pleased. He had most likely just ruined any chance he would ever have with Hermione Jane Granger. Or so he thought.

XxXxX

"What the bloody fucking hell is your problem, Draco," Millicent yelled incredulously. "Are you on your monthly? Are you pregnant? You're acting like my mum when she was pregnant with my little sister! Now, stop your blubbering, and pick up your goddamn guitar."

Draco was currently slumped over on the Slytherin common room floor, trying to cover the tears that were leaking from his eyes. Mere moments ago, he had been smiling, joking around, saying he would definitely learn the song, even if he broke his drum set in the process. And then, suddenly, all hell broke loose, and Draco was in tears, saying he could never accomplish anything, that he was a failure at life. Millicent had been right; Draco was acting like a hormonal woman.

"And Blaise. Stop acting so fuckin' depressed. You didn't ruin your chances with Granger, I promise. She probably ran to the girls' toilets as soon as class was over and got off, thinking of you studying her anatomy the entire time. _Anyone_, with the exception of the blind, can see that she is head over heels for you, too. You probably just offended her. Just a little bit, though so don't worry." Millicent went back to tuning her guitar, pausing every few seconds to pick at a certain string to see if she had gotten to the right tune yet.

"Yeah, Blaise, don't worry," Pansy added, a sympathetic look crossing her features. "I'm sure if you just apologize to Granger, then ask her to go to the dance with you, I'm sure she'll be more than pleased."

"But that would suck, wouldn't it? Going to the dance with a member of the band that's supposed to perform? I mean, Blaise wouldn't be able to dance with her or anything. Which may work for the better, since Blaise would probably get a boner as soon as he touched the prissy bitch."

"Draco, just shut the fuck up, before I make you cry again," Millicent said sharply, shoving an elbow into Draco's ribcage, earning herself a pained shriek from the young Malfoy.

"You can still ask her Blaise. And you can definitely still apologize. She'd probably be flattered and accept your invitation. And hey, bands always take breaks, and some substitute music plays; you could always dance with Granger then. It's not like she dances anyway. So things'll work Blaise, I promise." Now, whoever deemed Pansy as a snooty, snobby, stuck-up bitch was wrong. Of course she put on an act every once in a while- all of the Slytherins did. But when you really got to know her she was one of the sweetest people you'd ever get the chance to meet. And she had just boosted Blaise's ego.

"Yeah, I think I'll ask her." So it was decided that Blaise was going to beg Hermione Granger for forgiveness, ask her to the dance, and hopefully, _hopefully_, things would go from there.

And it turns out, things definitely would.

**A/N:** So, whaddaya think? This chapter was a slight bit longer than the last one, and I definitely see how it dragged along in some parts. But everything was a necessary introduction for the next chapter, when things get down to the real nitty-gritty. Preview:** BlaisexHermione semi-smut, Halloween dance, and some DracoxOC action. **I do promise that the original character will not be a Mary Sue. Meaning that she won't be abnormally smart, beautiful, funny, nice… any of the things people would wish for. Review, please?


	3. No Feeling For Anybody Else

**Chapter Three By: rock-the-casbah18**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the characters, the places, the general idea of the entire Harry Potter universe. Just the plot. That's all mine.

**A/N:** This story will not leave me alone! I just checked my review page, and as of right now, I haven't even had a single review for chapter two! Yet, I'm already writing! I must be really inspired. I mean, I never write unless I get positive feedback. To all my reviewers of chapter one, thank you again; your kind words meant the world to me! Okay, so I think I promised some semi-smut, a dance, and a new, non-Mary Sue character. So here goes…

**Chapter Three:** In which Blaise _really _gets snogged, and Draco takes a spill.

"And I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about what I did in Muggle Studies the other day. It was inappropriate and disrespectful; you don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm a jackass, and you have every right to hate me for the rest of your life. But I sincerely hope you won't. And I was wondering if maybe, as a way of apology, and because I think you're a great girl, if you wanted to be my date to the Halloween dance?"

Raucous laughter rang out from the doorway of the Slytherin Boy's dorm, where Draco was currently doubled over, pointing at Blaise, who was currently practicing his apology for Hermione in the mirror. Draco was almost positive that Blaise was about to stomp his foot like a three year old and burst into tears- he looked _that_ upset that Draco had caught him.

"You actually gonna say those things to the Grangerbitch?" 'Grangerbitch' was the new term coined by Draco about Hermione; Blaise hated it, but he was a Slytherin, meaning he had to smirk and giggle along with anything even half-way nefarious. Not that Slytherins giggled. O-ho, that was much, _much_ too Hufflepuff for them.

"Fuckin' Christ, I'm so goddamn nervous," Blaise muttered to himself, running a hand through his inky curls.

"Since when have _you_ ever been nervous around girls, Blaise? All you have to do is be like 'oh, I'm Italian- you know what they say about Italians' with a suggestive wink at the end, and you have girls practically swarming you. And now you're nervous about talking to _Grangerbitch_," Draco said incredulously. Blaise was usually so calm, so smooth, so utterly 'James Bond'. And now, he was on the brink of a breakdown, all because of a know-it-all bookworm.

"I just, god, I don't know," Blaise trailed off, grabbing his messenger bag full of textbooks and his Slytherin robes. "I'm just nervous about this one, okay?"

"Okay, okay Blaise. You don't need to say anything else. Now I know what's making you so nervous- you're in l_ooooo_ve!"

XxXxX

"You honestly mean that, Blaise?" Hermione Granger spun around to face Blaise Zabini, who had been desperately trying to apologize to the stubborn girl. She wouldn't even stop walking, let alone face him when he was talking to her! He finally had snared the girl's attention when he asked to be her escort to the Halloween dance. What was it with girls? Tell them they're beautiful and buy them something shiny, and they were indebted to you forever.

"Yeah, Hermione. Honestly. I'd love if you would be my date to the dance. And if you would accept my apology," Blaise said moodily, complete with a deep sigh at the end. He had practiced all that for nothing- the stubborn girl wouldn't even pay attention to his apology!

"Geeze, Blaise. Calm down," Hermione said, looking at the Italian boy as if he was deranged.

"I could if you'd just tell me that everything was okay and that you'd go to the dance with me!"

"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but that isn't going to happen today. Most likely not even in this century. How am I supposed to know you mean anything you say? How am I supposed to know that this whole thing isn't just another bet? Yeah, you probably shouldn't have told me about the bet, Blaise. So, no. You aren't forgiven, and I will definitely not go to the dance with you." Hermione glared menacingly at Blaise, before turning on her heel and stalking away, curly hair trailing behind her like a flame. Well, the girl was pretty hot-headed, so her hair might as well be a flame, Blaise thought angrily, in a futile attempt to mentally insult the girl. Yeah, it was futile.

XxXxX

Blaise felt like crying. Manly tears, of course, but crying nonetheless. He really, truly, honest-to-god liked that girl. Why, he hadn't a clue. But he liked her, and she had pretty much just ripped his heart out, with her bare hands no less, and stomped on that vital little organ, creating a huge mess, and quite the gaping hole in Blaise's chest. Did anyone have a handkerchief?

XxXxX

Draco felt like crying. Manly tears, of course, but crying nonetheless. For a completely different reason then Blaise, though. The Slytherin Prince, the revered Sex God (yes, in capitals-he was that important) and all-around badass, had just fallen flat on his perfect little face in the middle of dinner. Which meant that he also fell in front of _the entire school_; that included the yappy little first years, the obnoxious, angsty fourth years, and his very own class.

This had to be the worst day of his entire life.

Of course, there were other bad days that made this whole situation debatable, but that was a whole other story, and remembering it was just a slight bit painful.

Draco didn't move from the cold, grey stone floor at first, not wishing for the entire Hall to see his burning face, cherry red with embarrassment. And he definitely did not want to face his mates, or worse, the bloody Golden Trio, who were assuredly laughing their arses off, all because of his fall. _Damn it all to hell_, he was bleeding. His fuckin' chin was _bleeding_ in front of the entire Great Hall! Now, he would have blood smeared across his otherwise spotless face. Spotless!

"Erm, pardon me, but I think you may need a band-aid," a soft female voice said from above him, seemingly coming from the Ravenclaw table. Oh, perfect, Draco mused sarcastically. Now some bookish little Ravenclaw _girl_ was pointing out the obvious, while managing to sound innocent enough so that he couldn't attack her for taking the mickey out of him.

"Unless you've got a spare band-aid on you, I don't see how telling me that I need one stops the bleeding," Draco ground out gruffly, hoisting himself up off the floor, much to the displeasure of the entire student body. They'd actually have to stop laughing at Draco now, or face the wrath of a particularly embarrassed Slytherin.

"Oh, I always carry around spare band-aids," the voice replied happily- a little too joyful for Draco's liking. Since picking himself up off the floor (and this is meant quite literally), Draco had been able to scope out the owner of that annoying little voice. He hadn't seen her before, but she was most definitely a Ravenclaw… and the accent? Scottish, maybe? She sounded like that prick Oliver Wood, the ex-Gryffindor Quidditch Captain that always won the cup.

Draco glared angrily at the younger girl. Well, he assumed she was younger, as she wasn't in any of his classes and he, being the Slytherin Prince, pretty much knew everyone in his class. So, Draco glared at the girl. Glaring was what he did- he thought it made him seem imposing and powerful.

But the girl glared back. Which diminished the whole point of glaring, because it made Draco look like an ass. She glared back with stony chocolate eyes, and thrusted a band-aid in Draco's direction, leaving him to mutter out a weak 'thanks' before scurrying back to the Slytherin table. He had just been shown up by a girl! What else was he supposed to do, other than run?

"And you made fun of me," Blaise asked incredulously, grinning widely as Draco slammed himself down on the Slytherin bench, moodily digging into the big bowl of stuffing in front of him. He didn't even like stuffing.

"Well, you didn't make an ass out of yourself in front of the entire Great Hall!" Draco threw up his hands, much like Blaise did when he was angry, and dropped his head to the mahogany table, attempting to bash out his brains.

"Oh, Draco. Cut the shit. Blaise is just as much of a dumbfuck as you are, right now. I mean, for Christ's sake, you can cut the sexual tension in this room with a knife," Millicent exclaimed loudly, rousing Pansy from her previously dormant state.

"Yeah, Draco. Haven't you noticed that every five seconds Blaise looks in the direction of the Gryffindor table? And I promise you, it isn't just for a glimpse of the boy-who-lived," Pansy contributed.

"More like he's trying to catch a glimpse down the shirt of our very favorite Gryffindor prefect and prude," Theodore Nott, who wasn't even part of the conversation, added from his seat a few feet away. "Not that I would mind a little peek down the Ice Queen's shirt. She's packin' more than the Patil twins combined." And everyone knew the Patil twins were notorious for having quite nice-sized chests. So what, Blaise thought jealously to himself, Hermione's a bit curvier than other girls- that doesn't mean everyone has to take notice!

"Is it that obvious," the handsome Italian said in a pained voice.

"Well, mate, those tits aren't something you can miss..."

"Not her chest, Nott! Is it that obvious that I love Hermione Granger!"

Wow, Blaise thought, I shouldn't have said that so loud. Thank God the only people who heard were Slytherin. Well, that wasn't that great either, but it was better than the entire school knowing Blaise liked a 'muddy Mudblood'. The Slytherins still laughed their arses off, falling out of chairs, grasping at sides, hastily wiping tears away- leaving Blaise sitting their looking like a bewildered little… puppy.

"Blaise, it is… painfully…obvious that you like the bushy-haired nerd," Pansy enunciated slowly, jabbing her fork through the air in Blaise's direction. "You act like a thirteen-year-old whenever you're around her." At Blaise's shocked, open-mouthed look, Pansy continued. "Just yesterday in Potions, you accidentally brushed arms back at the Ingredients cabinet, and you flinched and all but leaped away from the poor girl. Blaise, I think you're afraid you'll lose control and jump her bones in the middle of class. And you know what? I think she's worried about doing the exact same thing."

Blaise blanched at that last statement and realization hit him like a giant inner-city bus. He and Granger couldn't even be in the _same room_ for an _hour_.

XxXxX

He had been walking down the fifth floor corridor, contemplating whether or not to stop in the library on his way back from a late Astronomy class. The hall was nearly empty, a stray Hufflepuff darting along, a fellow Slytherin stooping to pick up spilled books. Other than those two, Blaise thought he was all alone. Now, Blaise knew otherwise, as he was pinned up against the freezing stone wall, staring into Hermione Granger's lust-filled eyes, his own wide with surprise.

"Of all people, Zabini, I would never peg you as the type that gives up after the first try," Hermione whispered out accusingly, pressing herself just _that _much closer to Blaise. Her chest was pressed deliciously against his, and if Blaise dared to look down, he was almost positive he would be met with a view down the know-it-all's uniform shirt.

"And what exactly did I give up, Miss Granger," Blaise replied. It was all he could do to not shiver, not speak in tongues. The girl of his dreams was currently smushed, yes, _smushed_ up against him, keeping him from moving anywhere. It was all he could do to keep from getting a raging erection, therefore scaring the virginal Gryffindor away. But, to be honest, Hermione Granger didn't seem so virginal at the moment.

"You gave up on me, Mr. Zabini," Hermione said in a strict voice, her 'Professor' voice. Her pink tongue flicked out to run over coral, cupid's bow lips, enticing Blaise far more than she knew.

"Who said I ever gave up, Granger?"

XxXxX

Draco was content. He was more than content. No one seemed to remember his spill from the previous evening, and that was the reason why he was strutting happily in the direction of the fifth floor main corridor, whistling Celestina Warbeck. No one whistled Celestina Warbeck. Which meant that Draco was extremely, _out-of-his-mind_ happy.

Draco had just turned the corner, when he heard something. Something that made him feel that if he took a step or two further, he would be considered a voyeur. _Eurgh_, Draco thought to himself. Why did it seem like every teenager in Hogwarts was unable to control their hormonal desires, therefore appearing constantly randy? Why? What did he do to deserve such torture?

Draco was just about to turn around and find some other way to get to the Library, when he heard a very feminine voice moaning a very familiar name.

"God, mmm…Blaise," the girl ground out gruffly; her vocal chords seemed to be clogged from passion… or just from phlegm, who knew? But that was besides the point. Blaise? What girl could Blaise have possible seduced now?

Draco decided that just a little peek 'round the corner wouldn't land him in hell forever, and when he did look, he half wished he hadn't.

XxXxX

As soon as Hermione's warm lips had pressed against his, Blaise had decided that _he_ would be the aggressor in this situation. Grabbing Hermione by the shoulders, Blaise had carefully switched positions with the girl, so that _he_ was pushing _her _against the wall, ravaging her mouth. He slid his tongue along her bottom lip, searching for entrance into that warm, wet cavern. Entrance which was granted much, much too easily.

Blaise played it safe, keeping one hand tangled in Hermione's russet locks, the other on her trim waist, while his tongue slid against hers, while he carefully bit her full bottom lip. Hermione, on the other hand, couldn't seem to control herself. She wanted to be everywhere at once, _feel_ everything at once. She had wanted this for two years, ever since Blaise sat next to her in sixth year Arithmancy. And Blaise's own timid touches weren't going to stop her from getting what she wanted.

One of Hermione's fair hands rested lightly at the nape of Blaise's neck, urging him closer, urging him to kiss her like he meant. Blaise took the hint, and the kiss went from being a tentative, passionate one, to a rough, lusty, _desperate_ snog. Her other hand snaked down Blaise's torso, slowly, torturing him, before coming to a rest on the slight bulge in his uniform pants. God, he was hard. Excruciatingly hard. And fuck it all, if he didn't wish that it was her mouth down there, licking and sucking like she was getting graded on it, instead of her hand.

Blaise's mouth left Hermione's swollen lips, gently tugging her head to one side, bearing her neck for his own devious purposes. Planting open-mouthed kisses along her jaw line, Blaise elicited a deep, throaty moan from Hermione. She pulled him closer, and didn't seem to mind, or notice at all for that matter, when Blaise's slim hands began to undo the buttons of her pristine white blouse. He was too busy distracting her, sucking and biting his way down the pale column of her neck, leaving his mark.

He found her sensitive spot, the one right where her shoulder met her neck. When Blaise bit down lightly, Hermione ground her hips against Blaise's erection, causing him to groan, in either pain or pleasure-it wasn't easily decipherable- and thrust his own hips against hers. Subconsciously, Blaise gently parted Hermione's legs with a knee, a spare hand snaking down past her hipbone, fingertips gently delving into her skirt. His fingers found their target and danced along the baby soft skin of Hermione's thigh before slipping paste her underwear to gently touch her wet core.

She couldn't help the sounds she made, and as soon as Blaise touched her _there_, Hermione moaned, grounding out his name, her breathing heavy and labored. No one had _ever_ kissed Hermione like this, no one had ever _touched_ Hermione like this, and she was quite lost at what to do while Blaise lightly ran a single finger tip over her clit. She had never felt like this before._ Never_.

XxXxX

"My eyes, my virginal eyes," Draco screeched out, slapping his hands over his eyes and stumbling blindly backwards, hoping to God he wouldn't fall over his own feet, _again._ He didn't see the couple spring apart, quickly rearranging themselves. He didn't see Blaise tenderly help Hermione button up her shirts when her hands trembled too much to focus on the task at hand. He didn't see Hermione's slight blush, didn't see her affectionate gaze whenever she looked at Blaise. All he saw was the inside of his eyelids, which seemed to be replaying the erotic scene he had stumbled across a few moments ago. _Good lord_, Draco thought, _I'm gonna need therapy after this_.

"Can't you two save that for the bedroom? Or just don't touch each other at all! Jesus lord, why did you pick the_ fifth_ floor corridor," Draco whined childishly.

"Well… well, maybe… maybe you should've picked another corridor!" Blaise winced noticeably. That sounded_ so_ much better in his head.

"Since when did you two hook-up? More importantly, does this mean you're going to the ball with Blaise, Granger?"

"No," Hermione said easily, earning a surprised look from Draco and an angry glare from Blaise. "I already told him that I wouldn't go with him, and I'm not going back on my word." With that, Hermione pecked Blaise on the check and walked away from the two confused boys.

"Geeze, mate. Do you always pick the psychos?"

**A/N: Okay, so I didn't quite make it all the way to the dance, and I didn't quite introduce the new character. There is a huge clue in this chapter as to who the character is, though, so for the moment, it shall suffice. Next chapter: Draco meets the new character, the Halloween dance, and Pansy's new song. **


	4. I'm Yours to Keep, If You Want to

**Chapter Four By: rock-the-casbah18**

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling owns all.

**A/N:** Before I jump right in, let me just say, thank you reviewers! You make my world a better place! Heheheh.

**Warnings: **F-bomb x3290678326756.

**In which Pansy writes a new song and Draco makes a fool of himself… again.**

"I am not fuckin' doing that. No fucking way. No, not gonna happen, no way in hell." Blaise sat at the Slytherin table, arms crossed under his chest, looking like the world's biggest three-year-old. Pouting and scowling included.

"Awh, Blaise, c'mon. You have to," Pansy said, fingers digging evilly into Blaise's forearm. "Blaise, we need you for this. The _band_ needs you." Slanting his eyes towards Pansy, Blaise snorted before yanking himself from Pansy's grip.

Draco grinned at his best friend's antics, before saying, "You know he's only upset 'cos he thought he was going to get some from Granger." If it was possible, Blaise's gaze became even crueler. "Why _anyone_ in their right mind would let that ruin their week, I've no idea…"

"Fuckin' shut your fuckin' mouth, you fuckin' arse," Blaise snarled out icily, slamming the fork he had been gripping down on the table. Millicent jumped from where she was sitting, trying to finish up her Potions' homework.

"Hell, Blaise! Calm the fuck down. You're really blowing this whole situation out of proportion." Millicent reached across the table, and gently placed her hand over Blaise's. "There are _plenty_ of girl's out there who want to shag you, mate. Just find one, lay her down, fuck her good, and things'll be better." Blaise snatched his hand away from Millicent's, glaring at her, before placing his head in his hands and sighing deeply.

"This isn't about bloody shagging! It's about me having to sing! In Italian! On stage! You're out of your fuckin' mind if you think that's going to happen anytime soon." Blaise pointed to Draco. "Look. Whitey over there speaks perfect French, accent and all. Make him your fuckin' puppet; make him sing to an entire crowd of people." Pansy stared wide-eyed at Blaise, before shaking her head.

"Blaise, dear Blaise- you're missing the point. Draco looks English. Draco acts English. Draco gets insanely drunk every weekend, therefore he _is_ English. But you, Blaise, _you_ are Italian, in every sense, with just a smidge of English on the side." Pansy said these things matter-of-factly, and Blaise knew there was no use in arguing. "Plus, you can sing Blaise. Draco, well, Draco is tone-deaf."

"Am not! I have a perfectly wonderful voice," Draco said angrily. "You just don't give me the chance to showcase my talent! It's always 'Blaise-_this_, Blaise-_that_'. Why, if you weren't into chicks, I would think it was _you_ who wanted to fuck Blaise."

At this, Pansy slapped Draco. Right across his face. Rather hard. There wasn't a Slytherin who didn't wince as Pansy's hand connected with Draco's flawless face, and the entire great hall went silent upon hearing the sound of flesh hitting flesh. And not even in a mildly sexual way.

"You… you…bastard," Pansy screeched, red-faced, eyes dark with anger. Leaping up from the Slytherin table, Pansy stalked out of the Great Hall, the intense beating of her Mary Jane's against the stone floor the only sound.

"I don't think I was supposed to tell you all that," Draco said meekly, bright as a cherry, full of shame. "It'd be nice if you all could forget I ever let that slip. I mean, it's not any of our business anyway."

Blaise sat ram-rod straight, his eyes wide as knuts. Pansy liked chicks, she liked females; Pansy was a lesbian. Millicent didn't look half surprised. But, well, Millicent had been sharing a dorm with the girl for six years, so maybe she had picked up on some, well, signals, which the others hadn't. Draco stared dismally at his breakfast, pushing his scrambled eggs around with a spare fork. The entire Great Hall had resumed with their meals, and more than likely, their gossiping about what had just gone on.

"So I guess I'll be singing a song for the band," Blaise whispered quietly, looking at his bandmates expectantly.

XxXxX

"You really are a dickwad, you know that," a new, yet strangely familiar voice said from beside Draco. He had skipped his two morning classes, (not that he minded- they were both with Hufflepuff) and had stayed in the west courtyard, sitting on one of the few concrete benches, under an old oak tree. He had mostly been alone, only interrupted by a few studious pupils making there way to extra courses and the random couple or two, until now. Someone, though he didn't really know who that someone was, had just taken a seat next to him on the bench.

"Have you been out here all morning then, Malfoy," the voice, which he now recognized had a Scottish lilt, questioned. Draco turned to his company, and immediately had a heart-attack. Okay, so not really, but he was pretty damn close to having heart palpitations. It was the girl. _The_ girl. He hadn't really gotten a good look at her, and now he finally had a chance to study the girl who had been made his enemy as soon as she asked whether or not he needed a band-aid.

Auburn hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and jade eyes were glaring at him, the too-thick eyeliner making her gaze look even more piercing. She had freckles like cinnamon, sprinkled over the bridge of her nose- a nose that glittered with a small golden stud. _Obviously Muggle_, Draco snorted as he noticed the piercing. Nothing too special, but she wasn't too shabby either.

"Well, are you going to keep staring, or are you going to say something? And please, think about it for more than five seconds before you open your mouth, this time." The girl stared back at Draco, cocking her head to the side. Yeah, he still didn't like her.

"Yes, I've been out here all morning," Draco mumbled irritably, returning his gaze to the dirt in front of him. What did she care? She didn't know him, he didn't know her, and she shouldn't be bothering with his life. It was pointless; she couldn't break him down if she tried.

The girl shifted an inch closer to Draco on the bench, and glared heatedly at the side of his face. "That's weak. You know you should apologize. _I_ know you should. I also know you're well-groomed enough to know it's the proper thing to do, which leaves me wondering how the fabulous Draco Malfoy hasn't tried to fix the problem yet."

Draco decided her accent was annoying.

XxXxX

Her tongue was in his mouth. And he was letting it stay there, and he wouldn't mind if the kiss lasted forever. Although, one could hardly call this a kiss because, really, it had been going on for somewhere around three minutes. And even Draco knew that once a kiss was past a minute, it evolved to something more. And it was even more of a _more than a kiss_ when her hand slid to his thigh, and his hand tangled in her hair, forcing her closer.

When his mind should have been screeching to a halt, the sensible part of his brain finally coming alive, Draco simply pondered whether or not he could grope the girl in broad daylight, in the middle of a school courtyard, and not get in trouble. _I bet I could_, Draco thought, just as the girl shoved herself, quite literally, away from his body.

"What the fuck was that," the girl all but screamed, staring at Draco as if he were some sort of monster.

"What do you mean, what was that? You kissed me. Not the other way around. And by the looks of things, you knew exactly what you were doing," Draco finished, in what he hoped was a seductive voice. In reality, it just made the girl send him a death glare.

"You are infuriating," the girl bit out. Her tone was so icy cold that Draco swore he had turned into a pop ice. He was already preparing a harsh retort, but the next time he glanced at the girl, he was rewarded with a view of her bum. A rather nice bum, in his opinion, but that's besides the point. She had just left him. Kissed and left. Like a hit and run.

The worst part? He didn't even know her name.

XxXxX

"I hate you, I hate everything you stand for, I hate the way you look, your face makes me sick…Pansy, these were not the breathtakingly beautiful lyrics you gave me last night to translate." Blaise waved the flimsy piece of parchment around, before sinking into an overstuffed chair. Pansy was at the other side of the common room, sitting on a hard wooden chair in the corner.

"Yeah, well, my heart died. So stuff it."

"Pansy, stop being such a fuckin' drama queen. Most of us already had figured out which side you batted for. And those who didn't, well, they're mentally retarded," Millicent said, in her best attempt to comfort the sulking girl.

"Besides, Pans," Blaise continued, "it's not as if we hate you for it. The only person that we hate is Draco, and he hasn't even shown his face since breakfast. The sorry bastard is probably drowning in guilt as we speak, darling." He didn't actually hate Draco. But sometimes a little white lie makes people a whole lot happier than the truth.

"Fuck off."

In Pansy's case, white lies did absolutely nothing.

XxXxX

The lights were killer. Blaise swore that he would be blind after tonight. The Halloween dance. The night that Relative Lunacy had eagerly awaited. The night that they were going to become famous. Well, at least they would build a fan base within the school. It was a start. Meager, but a start.

Blaise leaned away from the mike, gulping for air. Goddamit, why was he so nervous? He could hear Millicent as she began to play the chords of the introduction to the song, their only acoustic song out of their entire set. Millicent really was an amazing guitarist. Good rhythm, nice flow… but now was not the time to get distracted by the instrumentals. Because Blaise had to sing in 5, 4, 3, 2…

"Lo avete lasciato il lunedì, non li hanno visti da allora."

Blaise hadn't expected to actually sound _that_ good, but hearing his voice projected over the entire Great Hall made him sound like a rock star. This had to be one of the best moments of his life. It was up there with the day his fifth father 'left' and the day Hermione attacked him. Such a glorious day. Another distraction that he could do without at the moment. He had a song to sing.

He had to make a girl fall in love with him.

**A/N: Okay, so here it is! Next chapter should be up very, very soon. Preview: Halloween dance Pt. 2, New Girl gets a name, and some very fancy knickers! By the way, would you like to have a 'walk-on' role in 'Relative Lunacy'? Write your name, a little personal description, and what you want the 'you' in the story to do! One person will be featured in an upcoming chapter!**


	5. She's about to Explode

**Chapter Five:**** By: rock-the-casbah18**

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling's creativity made me do it.

**A/N: **Gah. I'm sorry it's been so long since I last updated. The school year was horrendous for me, and I didn't get much writing done, period. I decided, in honor of the new movie coming out tomorrow, that I would update, and give you all a Chapter Five. I'm a bit rusty, but I hope you all enjoy! **OH!** HRH Feline Queen, you're in here! Find yourself?

**Warnings:** You know the deal, effffff everything. And maybe our favourite pairing will get a bit sexual, eh?

**In which Blaise receives a present from a fan, while Draco receives a present of a different nature...**

"You were absolutely amazing," a too-thin blonde with cocaine crazy eyes said as she

stroked the hesitant Italian boy's arm.

"Uhm. Yes, well, thank you. Glad you enjoyed it."Blaise carefully pried the girl's bony fingers from his upper arm, hoping that he wouldn't bruise the next day. That girl had a grip stronger than a grindylow, and a look in her eyes that told Blaise that she was mentally undressing him as they spoke.

"No, really. You're so talented," the platinum harpy said, her eyeliner smudged face coming _that_ much closer to Blaise's own tan face. "I've heard you have many other... talents. Care to show them to me sometime?"

Blaise blanched. _God, no, please, not me_,Blaise thought, glancing around for someone to save him. Draco was surrounded by girls, but looked unusually sulky, shoving them off his lap, one by one. Pansy was talking quietly to Daphne Greengrass, a slender hand resting on Greengrass' knee, which made Blaise feel like a voyeur, so he quickly sought out Millicent.Millicent was stumbling around, apparently a bit intoxicated, and Blaise wondered how Snape had missed that one. No one, with the exception of Blaise's current attachment, was giving him any mind.

Blaise Zabini was about to be raped by a crackhead, and no one even noticed.

**XxXxX**

Hermione Granger actually noticed. The Great Hall was packed with students, dressed in costume and dressed in muggle attire, but she still could only see Blaise through the masses. Never mind that mildly attractive fifth year that practically begged her to dance, or that Hufflepuff that had used the worst chat up lines on her. Hermione only had eyes for one boy, and that boy currently was under attack.

A blonde dressed up as a rabbit was currently growing off of his left side, and Hermione wondered if that was his flavour of the week.Being only book smart, Hermione failed to notice Blaise's disgusted look or sick pallor.Hermione harrumphed and crossed her arms over her chest. The Italian hadn't spared her a glance all night, and this upset her, seeing as she expected the attention after her attack on him previously.

_Well, I'm not crawling over to him, _Hermione thought to herself, _there's no way that I'll degrade myself like that silly cuntrag. _If there was anything to be said about Hermione, it was that she did not grovel or momentarily lose her dignity just to impress a _boy_. Granted, this boy was absolutely gorgeous, had the sexiest singing voice she had ever heard, and was genuinely, well, nice wasn't the word, but you get the point. He was still just a boy, and not in very good graces with Hermione at the moment. He was going to have to grovel.

**XxXxX**

"Uhm, please," Blaise mumbled out, at a complete loss for the girls name. "Excuse me a moment."The girl looked up at Blaise with her watery blue eyes and began to pout. Not attractively, mind you.

"But bay-bee," the girl ground out, fingers releasing their death grip as Blaisestumbled hurriedly away. His sights were set on Granger, who was sitting grumpily in a corner across the room. He was going to woo her off her feet, or rather, onto them, and hopefully dance the night away or some other romantic thing like that. Blaise wasn't much for dancing, but it sounded good, didn't it? Yeah, it really did. This was a faultless plan- perfect. Everything was going to go well, and he would have the girl, and the fans, and... and...

A frilly pair of girls' knickers? Worn girl's knickers, at that?

Only half way across the Great Hall, Blaise had been socked in the face by a lavender lace thong. And from where it had hit exactly, he knew that they hadn't been bought just for this purpose. They belonged to some random girl, and were worn by some random girl, and maybe that random girl wasn't so random. Lavender Brown was swinging her hips sultrily as she made her way towards him.

The dirty blonde sauntered up to Blaise, retrieving her panties from his limp fingers. Everything around the two had stopped, as over half the room had noticed the flying scrap of fabric, and had been somewhat confused, although more excited to see what was about to go down. Or who. But that was vulgar and besides the point.

"Think you 'ave somethin' of mine there, Blaise," Lavender said in her signature Northern accent.

"S'yours," Blaise mumbled quietly, inquisitively, eyes wide and unblinking. No one had ever confronted Blaise in such a manner. Honestly. Panties? In his face? Did she really have to go to such lengths? Lavender was now thrusting her cleavage enticingly towards Blaise, and he concluded that yes, this was Lavender Brown and she would go to pretty much _any_ length.

Lavender closed the tiny gap between her and Blaise and the rest of the room went back to their own business. Assuming that a particularly dirty dance or a sudden snogging session was on its way, the students that were crowding the great hall went back to gossiping and dancing to the pre-recorded music. Neither of those activities did happen though, and Lavender merely leaned into Blaise's ear to whisper a few select words. Her hot breath played against his earlobe and Blaise momentarily forgot about his purpose for crossing the room in the first place.

" _They look even better on."_

XxXxX

"Ay, mate. Did brilliant last night, didn't we? And I saw that blonde Gryff you left with," Draco said excitedly through a mouthful of eggs. Blaise cringed at the sight of the yellow bits being demolished in Draco's mouth. For being so rich and well-groomed, Draco certainly lacked table manners. Ah well, we can't all be good-looking and well-mannered.

"Which one," Theo Nott said from across the table, an arm firmly wrapped around his girlfriend, Liz something or other. She was a year younger than Blaise and his friends, but she looked much older, with long legs, gorgeous auburn hair and a particularly curvy figure. Would've been a good catch if she didn't have that bulldog of a boyfriend attached at the hip.

Tossing a spare piece of toast in Theo's general direction, Blaise pulled an angry face. Humiliated by the events of the night before as he was, Blaise really wasn't up to hearing Theo pull crass jokes about it.

"Jokes, mate." Theo's eyebrows had furrowed and his hands had gone into fists. Blaise was spot-on with his comparison of Theo to a bulldog; one wrong move and the muscular boy was chomping at the bit.

"Yeah, sorry, overreacted," Blaise muttered, even more embarrassed than before. Did everyone know? Circe, the girl was practically gagging for it and since Hermione hadn't made a move, well what was a hormonal teenaged boy to do? If Draco and Theo knew, did anyone else see Blaise leave with Lavender? Did Hermione know? Had he made a mess of everything? Lord, why couldn't he keep it in his pants!

"Blaisey-boo have a rough night," Millicent teased, ruffling Blaise's hair as she took a seat next to him. She knew too?! Blaise sent Millicent a death glare, to which she only smirked and started fixing her plate. _Fuck_, Blaise thought. Why was he the only boy in all of Hogwarts that wasn't allowed to have casual sex without it being gossiped about throughout the entire school? Wasn't that Draco's job? That's to say, the platinum Slytherin had sex with half the school and no one ever talked about _his_ nighttime conquests. Well, they might've for the first couple, but after a while, the same story gets quite boring.

"We talking about Blaise making off with that Essex girl," Pansy asked as she joined the group, successfully ignoring Draco's puppy dog look. She still hadn't forgiven him for outing her; Slytherin's weren't exactly known for their lack of holding grudges. Blaise grunted. So, not even his friend were on his side... great. Why was he getting so flustered? Zabini's were cool, calm and collected. He shouldn't be acting like a bratty little girl. _Pull yourself together, Zabini, _Blaise thought to himself.

"Yes, we were actually," Blaise said icily, the epitome of Slytherin royalty. "She was okay, but it was a one off. I mean, I've had better. Much better, actually." The Slytherin sitting around him burst into spasms of cackling laughter. No one ever missed a chance to take the piss out of another house, especially an enemy house.

"She had a horse face anyway," Draco added, wanting to share the limelight with Blaise.

**XxXxX**

After her last class of the day, Hermione had returned to her dormitory to find Lavender Brown sitting with both of the Patil Twins on her bed, practically inconsolable.

" 'Ave you 'eard then? 'Ave you? What 'ees said about me," Lavender screeched from her bed, looking pointedly at Hermione. " I 'ate 'im, I do. Biggest mistake I ever made."

Of course Hermione had heard. Who hadn't? She had pitied Lavender, for about five seconds, and then she went right back to hating that self-confident bitch. Serves her right, that the rumor going around was that she was the worst fuck Blaise had ever had. And that many other similar stories about her were coming out, from boys in Ravenclaw, and a few in Hufflepuff and their very own Dean Thomas.

For some odd reason, Hermione just couldn't seem to be very sympathetic. Stupid cow deserved it.

XxXxX

"And I'm Cora," said a familiar pierced, auburn-haired girl, as she formally kissed both of Blaise's cheeks. Well he could respect that; it was like being back on his mother's posh vineyard in Italy. He had been alone in a dusty, old corner of the library when the Scottish, or so he supposed from her Northern accent, girl came bouncing up to him, begging for company and introductions. The proud Italian assumed she was another fan of Relative Lunacy, but he had learned his lesson and was eager to be alone again.

"Okay, so you're probably wondering for the real reason as to why I'm here," Cora began, her nose ring catching the sun streaming in from the window to Blaise's left. Yes, Blaise actually was wondering that. "Okay, so you see, I have a bit of a _thing_ for your mate Draco. And okay, you're his best mate, and I was wondering if I could have your permission to have him. Okay, that came out really lame, but well you get the point."

What was lame, was the fact that she started off every sentence with 'okay.'

"You're asking my permission," Blaise said, holding back laughter, which in turn made his face scrunch up rather much like he was constipated.

"Yes, I'm asking your permission! Piss off. It was hard enough for me to come over here and ask, but I just... I just... I dunno! I wanted to make sure it was okay with you because well, I thought that maybe you and Draco had a bit of a thing. You see, he's very effeminate, and you two have always been so close... and well, the other day we may have snogged in the west courtyard, and I just wanted to make sure that if I made a move you wouldn't strangle me in my sleep." The girl was practically shaking with nerves, and she kept twiddling her thumbs nervously.

At this point Blaise did burst into raucous laughter, the kind that made tears roll down his cheeks. Had she really just said that? Him and Draco, lovers? Sure, Draco acted like a ponce half the time, but he sure as hell didn't.

"Go for it. Draco and I are not lovers. And never have been. And never will be, because quite honestly, I doubt he's packing enough down there to satisfy my needs." With that last bit of Slytherin sarcasm, Blaise stood and left the library, laughing contentedly to himself.

XxXxX

**A/N: Kay, so, finished with this one! Already having ideas for the next! Should be up today, or tomorrow at most! Enjoyyyy!**


	6. Oh God, I Want You So Much

**Disclaimer: **Not mine, duh.

**A/N: **Time really has gotten away from me, I suppose. Sorry! I wanted to have an update much sooner than this, but it has taken a real sick day to shake me out of my writing slump. Had a brill idea for this chapter while falling asleep last night. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for the support!

"Cora said she likes them," Draco mumbled, grey eyes shockingly wide as he stared at the thick needle the grimy man in front of him was holding. He wasn't much for pain, but everyone was getting something as part of this 'serious rock band' look, and if this was all he had to suffer, he'd rather just get it done and over with.

"Mate, what's your dad gonna say," Blaise spoke up. The lanky Italian was currently perched on a neon green metal stool, flipping through pages of tattoo fonts. "I'm actually quite surprised he even let you out with us, to fuckin' London. Has the evil, old man turned over a new leaf?"

Draco's eyes flicked nervously back and forth between Blaise and that ever-so close needle. "Yeah, yeah, 'spose he has... Okay, will you just jab me in the face already?! Get it done with, man!" The tattoo-covered man scooted an inch closer to Draco and positioned the needle at his lip. Within seconds, but what seemed like hours to Draco, a gleaming silver stud was protruding out underneath the left said of his bottom lip.

Blaise chuckled as he took in the site of his prissy friend, face scrunched up in the most unattractive manner as his tongue played with the backing on the stud. He stopped suddenly and his eyes widened again as he murmured out a pitiful 'ow' and slid out of the chair. "Your turn, you dick'ed," Draco said in Blaise's direction as Pansy and Millicent came crashing through the shop's door, arms loaded with bags of clothing and other miscellaneous items that girls always seemed to_ have_ to have.

"Draco, look at your face," Millicent squealed out, dropping her bags haphazardly on the floor and running over the painfully prod Draco in his new piercing. "Ger'off!" Draco slapped Millicent's hand away from his face before shielding the stud with his own hand. "It hurts like a motherfucker, and I don't need you making it worse. Now sit down like a good little girl and wait until Blaise is done." Blaise was now sitting placidly in the reclined chair, quite shirtless, waiting as the man daintily dipped his tattoo gun in black ink.

"What's he getting," Pansy asked quietly as the gun buzzed to life on Blaise's skin. "Dunno, really. Still don't quite get the concept of getting this all done the muggle way," Draco whispered almost silently back, as so not to be overheard by that strange, unhygienic man.

"Oh c'mon, Draco," Millicent hissed from two stools down. "Everyone's getting into muggle things nowadays. I heard that our very own Slytherin alumni Adrian Pucey has a flat somewhere 'round here and is covered in these things the muggle way. And still managed to bag the hottest girl of his year."

"They just hurt so bad," Draco whined as he watched the man carefully wipe away ink residue from Blaise's skin. An hour and three cups of very weak coffee later, the four friends left the shop, two with new wardrobes, one with new metal, and one particularly handsome one with the words 'Il sangue non è aqua' in small black cursive inked below his abdomen.

_Blood is thicker than water_. How very Slytherin.

**xXxXx**

"Mmm, just wait until you can put a ring in it," Cora whispered in what she hoped was a sexy voice before returning to kissing Draco lustily. His lips were swollen, though not from the piercing this time, and he thought that this must be the best return to Hogwarts he'd ever had. Holiday was lovely sure; he'd absolutely_ loved_ spending Christmas with his strict, though surprisingly nonchalant (or maybe it was just uncaring), father and his alcoholic mother. Not. His holiday had been shit, but he'd at least been able to spend most of it with his bandmates, holding extra long practices which eventually just turned into drinking sessions. He liked being back though.

Damn, he really like being back, he thought as Cora's hand slid underneath his simple black teeshirt and floated across his abdomen. Her thin fingers slid across the waist of his expensive jeans, fingertips delving in occasionally, though not enough to make serious contact. Circe, he was turned on. And damn if the slender girl wasn't using that to her advantage, rubbing herself much like a cat along his body as she sat in his lap. They'd only been 'together' since early November, and as much as he would've liked it to, he wasn't sure if their relationship should be progressing quite as quickly as it was.

Fuck it. What the hell was he saying?! Here Draco was, about to get some, and he was thinking about the girl's_ emotions_, her _feelings_, and he actually cared! For once in his life he actually bothered to spare a second thinking about what was going through the girl's mind. And, to be quite honest, it scared him shitless.

**xXxXx**

Blaise was not having quite as much luck with the women as Draco. Or one woman in particular. Hermione had been extremely dismissive upon his return to Hogwarts and anytime he attempted to speak with her, she shot him down brutally. He probably deserved it, after his little sexcapade with Lavender, but really, would it kill the girl to throw the dog a bone? It'd been a long month and a half without any attention from a girl for Blaise, and he was beginning to see it's effects. He'd probably helped himself, so to say, at the_ very_ least once a day for the past week, and it was really becoming sort of pathetic. He needed to find Hermione Granger, profess his undying love for her, and really get things sorted out.

**xXxXx**

Hermione watched out of the corner of her eye as Blaise slowly made his way towards her table in the very back of the library. It was getting late, no one else was around, and Hermione was running out of excuses to get away from Blaise. Truth was, she really, _really_ just wanted to attack him and tell him that she had missed him over break and had even considered looking up where he lived to surprise him on Christmas day. But she was Hermione Granger, strong, proud Gryffindor who did not fall for the clever scheming of men.

Fuck it. What the hell was she saying?! Knocking her chair over backwards with her force as she stood, Hermione stalked over to Blaise before throwing her arms around his neck and latching her mouth on to his. Immediately, her hands found refuge in his messy black hair. Blaise pulled her impossibly close to his angular body, one hand resting on her curved lower back, the other resting on her firm bum. Good God, what luck he had. This time he didn't even have to come up with some lame excuse to talk to her, therefore seducing her into his bed. He merely walked over and she pounced. And what a delicious thing it was.

Backing her up against the table, Blaise whispered gravelly, "What caused the change of mind?" Hermione hoisted herself up on the table, wrapping a leg around Blaise and skillfully pulling him towards her. "You're lovely. Has anyone ever told you that," Hermione spoke softly, wide amber eyes peering up into his piercing, dark ones. "Not anyone near as special as you," Blaise said back in a barely audible voice, leaning once more in towards Hermione's face.

"I think I want you all to myself," Hermione breathed out, their lips almost touching. The small gap was closed within a second, and for the moment, everything was absolutely perfect.

But please, this was a Slytherin/Gryffindor relationship. Moments only last so long.

**A/N: **Short, I know. But I plan on a Valentine's Day chapter soon, so have no fear! I might even pump another one out today. You'll be seeing some **Pansy/Daphne** and definitely the progression of our two couples' relationships. And what about the band?! I don't think we've even broached the subject of drugs yet.. More to come in the next installment of **Relative Lunacy**!


	7. And Your Mind Is Moving Slow

**And Your Mind Is Moving Slow**

**Disclaimer: **Do I even have to say it again?

**A/N: **God, I am on a roll! I was sitting here, after posting Chapter Six, and re-reading through some older fics that I've yet to post, and it just made me want to write more. So here you are, Chapter Seven of Relative Lunacy. Please enjoy and review!

"So I noticed that you didn't make it back to the dorm last night, Dracy-poo," Blaise said lightly, shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth rather unattractively. Keep in mind that he is male, and therefore lacks table manners in the early morning when he is particularly starved.

"Oh fuck off," Draco bit out icily. Blaise's eyes shot open. This meant one of two things; either Draco was not successful in getting any or when he did he lasted as long as a twelve-year-old with his first issue of Playboy.

"That bad, eh?" Blaise knew he shouldn't push it, but what the hell, it was his best mate and was bound to come out sooner or later.

"I couldn't, Blaise, I couldn't," Draco mumbled quietly, his face flushing an ugly shade of red. Millicent and Pansy continued giggling and gossiping, as girls do, and Draco went back to the conversation warily. "She blates wanted to, and we get up to her dorm, cast a silencing charm, and I just _can't_."

Blaise grimaced. "You couldn't get it up? Mate, that isn't supposed to happen 'til you're my dad's age."

"Again, fuck off. Getting it up was not the problem. The actual being _with _Cora was."

"So are you saying that Draco Malfoy, self-proclaimed sex god, could not have sex with a reasonably attractive girl? Have you gone bloody mental?" Blaise shook his head, digging his spoon into his diminishing pile of eggs. "Don't know if we can be mates anymore, this is well shocking."

"Oh hell. It wasn't that. I could've had sex with her. Damn, I could've over and over and over again. But I didn't want to. Not because she's not good at what she does. I'm just... not ready for that emotional commitment from her." Draco's face turned impossibly redder at that last proclamation and Blaise burst into hysterics.

"You big ponce! Are you joking with me? Emotional commitment? Draco, those two words do not necessarily go well coming from your mouth. Since when have _you_ ever cared about a girl's emotions?" Blaise repeated his head shaking motion, collecting his schoolthings as breakfast was almost over.

"Fuck you, Blaise," Draco said, giving the tan boy the two finger salute. "I'm actually trying to talk to my best mate, cause for once in my life I actually fucking _care_ for a girl and you're going to take the piss." Draco angrily shoved his fork down, turning around to come face to face with a smiling Cora.

"What say you to skipping our first two classes, aye? My dorm's empty." With a last icy glare directed towards Blaise, Draco grabbed Cora by the hand and eagerly followed her lead, back up to the dorm that he had so recently snuck out of.

**XxXxX**

"So which one of you accidentally used to other's toothbrush," Millicent said tiredly as she sat tuning her acoustic. "You're both acting like eleven-year-old girls and we have things to get done here." Blaise and Draco shot angry glances at the big-boned girl before shooting them at each other. It was after dinner and the two still hadn't spoken. Obviously, this 'cat fight' was a bit more serious than it had seemed.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about, Mil. Blaise over there just has the emotional capacity of a goldfish and should just be entirely overlooked." Draco idly spun a drumstick in one hand, pretending that his words weren't scathing at all.

"Yes, well, as it seems our drummer has grown a vagina overnight...," Blaise said, raising an eyebrow and smirking as all good Slytherin do.

"Fuck you, you bastard."

"Oh, is that why you couldn't fuck Cora? You wanted me, instead?"

With one giant leap, Draco had dragged Blaise to the floor and both were rolling around angrily, throwing misguided punches and kicks, screaming out obscenities and generally acting like huge drama queens. After what seemed like hours to the boys, but actually was only five minutes, the two pulled away from each other, breathless and practically growling. Millicent and Pansy just watched tiredly; Pansy returned to her new song and Millicent left the room entirely.

Blaise daintily brought a hand up to his lip, pulling it away to find it smeared with blood. "You cocksucker, you busted my lip." Draco gently prodded his already swelling eye and glanced at Blaise with hatred. "You started this bloody mess, you cunt. Can't even listen to your best mate anymore. It's a wonder I've put up with you for so long," Draco ground out, hatred seeping into his voice.

"Boys, boys, boys, I think we all just need to calm down," Millicent said as she returned to the room, holding a mysterious white object between her thumb and pointer finger. Blaise was the first to recognize the object and immediately began protesting.

"Oh no, Mil, no, not right now. Don't you remember that time at your place over summer hols? Not again." Blaise's face had paled and he was obviously not very fond of the cannabis plant.

"C'mon Blaise, we just had some bad shit that time. I promise this is better," Millicent said with sincerity and a smile. "So, anyone have a light?"

**XxXxX **

**A/N:** Was planning on making this longer, but got a bit stuck. So I felt like leaving this off with a bit of a cliff hanger. Wait until next chapter! See the results after a quite risky day! What did Cora and Draco really get up to? What will happen to Hermione and Blaise? And are Pansy and Daphne ever going to come out with their relationship? What about the band?!


	8. You get yours, I get mine

**Disclaimer: **Just my imagination, don't own anything else.

**A/N: **Alright, even though I haven't been getting many reviews yet for the previous two chapters, I've decided to write another. Mostly because I love writing, and this fic idea. Even though the last two chapters have been... somewhat not up to par with my others. Okay, is it just me, or does anyone else want **smut**? I want some B/Hr lovin' in this chapter. Mostly because I've been reading **tamlane**, a favourite of mine, who I suggest you search for _right now._ Or at least after you're done reading mine:) Okay, enjoy!

**Slight Warning: **I tried to write this smut as I think Blaise would think of it- in a more 'manly' and crude sense. Forgive me:)

Broom closets are disgustingly not sexy. They're filled with dirty broken buckets, old mop handles, and well, _brooms_. And they're cold and slimy, which is really, really unsexy. While the broom closet Blaise currently occupied was still rather nasty, the company of Hermione Granger made it _that_ much better. By 'that', Blaise meant a helluva lot. His hands tangled in Hermione's abundant curls, Blaise thrusted gently into her mouth. No use in gagging the poor girl; her knees already were suffering on the solid stone floor. Although, the way Hermione was using her tongue, Blaise supposed that Hermione had some practice with this and probably wouldn't object.

Blaise could hear voices outside, young ones, just as he began to get that familiar feel in the pit of his stomach. He was so close. So, so close. His eyes fluttered closed, head falling back roughly against the stone wall of the closet. Almost there, almost. And at that very moment, Hermione pulled herself away from Blaise, standing up and brushing dust from her grey pleated skirt. Blaise whimpered like a kicked dog, although later he wouldn't recall doing such.

"I have class to get to," Hermione said in the simplest tone. As if that truly mattered; she had missed her entire Charms class. What would it hurt to miss the first five minutes of the next? Really, that's all Blaise needed. Was that too much for a poor, unloved boy to ask for?

"You have class," Blaise asked incredulously. Hermione rolled her eyes and picked up her schoolbag from inside a cracked wash basin. "Yes, Blaise, I have class. As do you. I've already sacrificed enough missing Charms. I'm not going to turn into a slacker just because you're constantly horny." Hermione slunk out of the dark closet, leaving Blaise to tuck everything back where it belonged.

Honestly, if that girl kept playing hot and cold the way she did, Blaise wasn't sure what he'd end up doing. He did know, though, that there would be repercussions for leaving him like this. Oh yes, Hermione would suffer the consequences.

**XxXxX **

"Millicent, I believe I am feeling rather tense this evening and need to loosen up," Draco said matter-of-factly, sitting cross-legged on the ornate rug of the Slytherin common room.

Millicent rolled her eyes. Blaise scowled. Did all girls_ have_ to do that? "Why are you telling me this, and not your girlfriend?" She went back to strumming the chords for a familiar muggle song, completely ignoring the spoiled blond boy.

"Not what I meant, Mil," Draco said, rolling his eyes in retort. Yes, Blaise concluded, it was a girl thing. "I just figured that since you were so eager three nights ago to calm us all down, you wouldn't mind sharing a bit tonight." Draco picked up the drumsticks that were next to him and began beating a muted tune on the carpet.

"Nope, not tonight, we have to practice. Especially with auditions coming up." Millicent scooted the chair she occupied closer to the matching table and rested her feet on it's top.Blaise sat up a bit straighter in his chair, and Millicent looked at him curiously. What was up with him? He'd been PMS-ing all afternoon and all through dinner; really, she could only put up with one Draco.

"First of all, how are we supposed to practice when Pansy is God know's where? Secondly, what audition?" Blaise hated being left out of things. Especially the simplest little things that should definitely be shared. _Especially_ if you all lived within twenty feet of one another. Audition? What the fucking hell?

"Pansy's off with Daphne somewhere. And unless _you_ would like to search for her and interrupt whatever kind of intimate moment the two may be having, we're fine practicing without her. Scratch that, you'd probably enjoy it... So we'll just practice without her. As for the audition, I thought I'd told you," Millicent ended tiredly. She _knew_ boys had ears, so why did they never seem to use them? "Apparently not. The audition is for the Hogs' Head. They're having a bit of an... open mic night, or something of the like. Open for students as well, which was fucking hard to convince them of. There are a few older bands from London coming in, mostly alumni, but I talked the owner into giving us a shot. This weekend, we're out anyway, and he agreed to audition us."

"Fuck yes!" Draco squealed rather unattractively from his seat on the floor. "A real gig! An actual gig with actual people! Fuck yes!"

"Did the hundreds of students on Halloween not count for you?" Millicent flicked a spare pencil at the boy.

"Okay, sure, that was nice. But we'll be playing for strangers now, people who don't know us! If we do well... whose to know what's in store after that," Draco said, practically hopping around like an excited puppy. "The opportunity to get smashed doesn't sound so bad either. I bet the Hogs' Head will be so packed no one will notice a bottle of Firewhiskey or four gone missing."

**XxXxX **

"What does it say, ooh what does it say," Draco screeched excitedly, practically tearing the crumpled letter from Blaise's hand. Jesus, the boy had next to no patience. Blaise was surprised that he'd still not 'consummated' his relationship with Cora. More surprised though that his ears still functioned properly, what with all the screaming.

"Calm the fuck down, you poof. I need at least thirty seconds to read it." Blaise carefully unfolded the tattered letter, wondering how the Hogs' Head didn't manage to have any clean stationary.

" Dear members of Relative Lunacy," Blaise said self-importantly as he cleared his throat, "Good enough, you're in." Pansy, Millicent and Draco looked excitedly on, grins spreading rapidly on their faces. "...and that's it."

"We're in, we're in," Pansy practically screamed, grabbing Millicent by the hands and spinning her around in a circle. The girls sang Pansy's words over and over again until Draco angrily shouted at them to shut up before he 'fucking avada'd' their arses. The excitement was apparent though, and Blaise couldn't wait to tell Hermione and invite her to their first real show. It'd be kind of, almost like, an official date. Almost.

**XxXxX**

"Yeah, yeah, I'll see," Hermione answered Blaise distractedly, throwing some spare quills back into her schoolbag. "I don't think I have anything that weekend, but I may have a Transfiguration exam that Monday. In which case I'll be studying all Saturday and Sunday." Blaise stared at Hermione blankly. He was trying, he really was, but his efforts were futile.

"Look, Hermione," Blaise began, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "It'd mean a lot, I mean, a hell of a lot, if you were there. I feel like... like we don't exactly get much time to actually talk with each other. Not that I don't enjoy the, er, other activities we do." He coughed nervously. "But I really want to spend time with you. Talking."

Hermione attempted unsuccessfully to hide her smile. Blaise knew girls much too well, and knew exactly what she wanted to hear. Unfortunately for him, Hermione knew what he was up to, and was happy just having a purely physical relationship with Blaise. It was a fabulous destresser after a long day in the library, and at the moment she really did not need a boyfriend mucking up her studies.

"We'll see Blaise," Hermione said dismissively, turning her back to him. Wrong thing to do, Hermione found out, as she felt his lithely muscled body pressing her firmly up against the classroom door. _Thank God Professor Vector had to report to a staff meeting_, Hermione thought to herself, not exactly objecting Blaise's aggressiveness.

Blaise shifted behind her, separating Hermione's legs roughly with a knee. His large hands and long fingers roamed her sides, daintily skimming over the curves of her breasts. Her eyes fluttered closed and she eagerly anticipated whatever would come next. Leaning her head to the side expectantly, Hermione was awarded with Blaise's soft lips against her smooth skin. He nipped her skin where her neck and shoulder met, flicking over the love bite with his tongue before sucking gently. God, she was in heaven. It was moments like these that she had to fight her oncoming feelings the most.

The other night she had let it slip how she felt, and she'd felt completely vulnerable since. She'd seen him once since that night that she told him she wanted him all to herself. And then there was that lovely day in the broom closet. If she was being honest, she would've admitted to herself that she had been avoiding him. Hermione preferred just saying she was 'much too busy' to see him. Blaise grabbed her hips roughly, pulling her bum back against his obvious erection, grinding into her angrily. Mewling, Hermione pushed back against Blaise, wanting more than this clothed interaction.

Blaise released her from his grip, picking up his bag and storming out of the class. Just like that. Leaving her aroused and alone and fucking angry. Why was he so bloody amazing? Why did she think that he was her soulmate? Why did she even believe in sappy things like soulmates?!

**XxXxX**

Pansy glanced anxiously around the emptying Potions classroom, waiting impatiently for Hermione Granger to finish packing up her schoolthings. Damn it, did the curly-haired witch have to take so long? Daphne sat in her wooden chair, uncrossing and re-crossing her legs, an action Pansy recognized as showing the girl's nerves. Hermione glanced up once and her eyes flickered back and forth between the two Slytherin girls. _Clever girl, she_, Pansy thought as she watched Granger blush prettily before rushing out of the room after the last student. No wonder Blaise was so smitten; Granger really was a stunning creature with an intellect to match. Why, if Pansy hadn't Daphne... no, she was still a stuck-up, icy Gryffindor.

Pansy had been so consumed with her thoughts that she hadn't noticed Daphne's advance. Now the almost artificially pretty blonde stood in front of her, a small smirk decorating her thickly glossed pink lips. "Couldn't have waited until lunch, could you?" Daphne reached one soft hand up to gently caress Pansy's cheek. Pansy subconsciously leaned into the touch, her eyes closing in pure happiness.

"I could have, but I really would rather not," Pansy rasped, her voice clouded over with lust. Daphne smirked again, her pretty blue eyes betraying her laughter.

There was something so different about kissing a girl. It was gentle and beautiful and very clean. Not anything like the rough, sloppy kisses of boys. Not lacking passion though, definitely not. Daphne's tongue moved against Pansy's in a way that set her very soul on fire. Pansy loved kissing Daphne; the slender girl knew exactly how Pansy wanted to be kissed. The two Slytherin broke apart, albeit reluctantly, and small smiles graced their faces, not the usual Slytherin smirk. At the sound of footsteps coming down the hall, Pansy squeezed Daphne's hand lightly with her own and placed a chaste kiss on her swollen lips.

"My bed tonight, yeah," Pansy asked hurriedly.

"Yeah, a silencing charm should do the trick." With a lewd wink and another not so chaste kiss, the two girls scurried from the classroom before Snape returned from his back office, or worse, a Hufflepuff were to walk in.

XxXxX

Soft light snuck through the opening in the heavy velvet curtains closed tightly around Cora's bed. She followed the trail of light with her sleepy eyes, followed the illuminated trail across Draco's side. His long, calloused fingers grazed over her back, drawing hearts and stars and spelling out words she diligently tried to decipher. Cora lay contentedly on her stomach, her head turned towards Draco, studying his form in the dark shadows of her bed. They hadn't even done _it_ yet, but she already was familiar with every angle and dip on his body. Just because you aren't having sex, doesn't mean you can't have fun. Cora smiled delicately, reaching over to stroke Draco's chest with her hands, resting her palms so that she could feel the warmth radiating through his skin.

"Have you heard then," Cora mumbled tiredly, her lips barely moving, her voice husky.

"Heard what, love?" Draco pressed a cool hand to Cora's cheek, caressing her face softly.

"About Blaise and Hannah." Cora's eyelids slid shut, her lips parted softly. She needed sleep horribly; Draco had been with her for the last two academic blocks, and they most definitely hadn't been resting.

Draco's brow furrowed in confusion, and his hand stilled. "Hannah? As in Hannah Abbott?"

"The one and only," Cora said with a smirk that rivaled his own.


	9. You're the Talk of the Town

**You're the Talk of the Town**

**Disclaimer:** J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all other related places and characters.

**A/N: **Part of me feels like I'm dragging this story on for no reason, and that no one really enjoys reading it, but the other part of me thinks that if I didn't continue, people might be upset. Either way, here's another chapter. I'll probably be wrapping up this story soon, so I can begin work on tying up loose ends in other stories. Hope you enjoy!

"Bollocks," Anthony Goldstein, current Head Boy, said to the fifth-year currently occupying the seat next to him. "There's not enough room in the dungeons; there's no fucking way." The fifth year rolled his eyes and pushed his too-long hair from his eyes. Standing up, he nudged his chair back under the table with his foot.

"Alright mate, believe what you want, but I was just telling you what I heard," the fifth-year grumbled, stalking away. That would be the last time he tried to be a help, the last time he tried to work for the greater good of the students of Hogwarts. And fuck it, if Goldstein wouldn't believe him, then he was going to go to the Slytherins' rave tonight, and get fucking wasted.

XxXxX

_Fuck, _Blaise thought. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck. _Hannah's soft, fleshy body lay next to him, her high-pitched voice blathering on and on about feelings and emotions and love and _boyfriend and girlfriend_. Blaise had never been particularly good at pillow talk, preferring to be with girls that would silently let him drift off into sleep after shagging. Hannah wasn't like that though, hadn't been the first time and wasn't now. Immediately after Blaise had rolled his own sweaty body off of Hannah's, the girl had launched into the same sappy speech she spoke after every time they were together. How the fuck did Blaise get himself into this mess?

"God, Blaise, I've never felt this way about anyone before," Hannah spoke and Blaise had to quickly cover his tired groan with a cough. _Here comes round two_, Blaise thought to himself as Hannah quickly covered his body with her own. His hands felt robotic, automatic in their movements as they wrapped around her body, squeezed her bum, traced circles on her back. To be quite honest, Blaise would've rather been anywhere than with Hannah. If he had a choice, he'd be with Hermione. Just with her, talking, laughing, sharing stories about when they were five and accidentally grabbed onto the wrong 'mum'. Or maybe that was just him. Either way, Hannah was a sorry substitute for what he really wanted. A really sorry substitute.

XxXxX

"Fuck me, Mil. I'm beginning to think you're a fucking dealer." Draco sat cross-legged on Millicent's bed, digging through the pile of pills and weed in front of him. Picking up one tiny plastic bag filled with bright candy-coloured pills, Draco asked, "What do these ones do?"

"Fuck if I know," Millicent replied, "but we'll find out tonight, won't we?" With a cheeky wink and a smile, Millicent walked out of the room, leaving Draco to his own devices. Spying an orange plastic container, Draco grabbed it greedily before pouring out two of its contents into the palm of his hand. The two tiny white pills looked odd in his hand, their imprinted smiley faces grinning up at him.

"What could it hurt," Draco mumbled to himself before popping both pills into his mouth and dry swallowing them. Nothing happened. Draco wondered if the pills weren't really just sweets, and weren't meant to do anything but trick the taker. He sat on the bed, ignoring the other Slytherin girls that came in and out of the dorm, digging through Millicent's stash, sorting them out and seeing what else she had. Twenty-three minutes went by before the pills kicked in.

"_Oh fuck._"

XxXxX

Music loud and harsh, pumping through speakers and veins, spread out over the Slytherin Common Room. It was a small wonder that Pansy had managed to cast a _Silencio_ charm big enough to allow the music to be played at such a decibel without being discovered. Furniture had been hastily pushed to the edges of the large room to form a haphazard sort of dance floor. Hot, perspiring bodies danced fluidly, pressed against one another to the electronic sounds. Hands grasped hips, hands grasped air, hands grasped hands. Brightly coloured lights flashed repeatedly, soaring over the crowd, casting designs and shadows. So far, the rave was an utter success, involving not only Slytherins but students from every other house in the school.

"Cora," a wide-eyed Draco shouted, running over to his recently arrived girlfriend and enveloping her in a big, sweaty hug. Placing frenzied kisses along her brow and cheekbones, Draco smiled before giving her another quick hug and running off into the throng of people again.

"What the fuck is he on," Cora asked Millicent, who stood smilingly passing out small green pills marked with doves, collecting sickles.

"Dunno," Millicent said, shaking her head. Her eyes already had glazed over, and Cora saw a slowly burning joint between two fingers of her less occupied hand. "I left him alone in my room for a half an hour, and come back to find him telling Daphne how much he adores her and her lesbianism and her hair. Quite frightening really." At the moment, the boy in question returned to Cora, throwing his arms around her waist, and spinning her through the air.

"Oh Cora, Cora, Cora, you're so nice!" Draco placed a sloppy kiss on the tip of Cora's freckled nose. "I love you so much. So so much. Have you had one of these yet?" Grabbing a pill out of Millicent's upturned palm, Draco shoved it into Cora's. "You'll love it; I promise. It's so amazing. _Life_ is amazing. _Love_ is amazing." Cora stared, dumbfounded, after Draco as he ran back onto the dance floor and began moving erratically, seductively against other dancers. She handed the pill back to Millicent, eyes hardening steadily as she watched Draco grind himself against a thin blonde girl, most decidedly a Hufflepuff. The girl wrapped her tiny arms around Draco's neck, their hips locked together in a dance that was purely sexual. Cora's eyes followed the girl's movements, watched as she threw her head back, glowing in the flash of the lights. The girl brought her head back up, bringing her face closer to Draco's than Cora was willing to allow. With a sudden dive, the girl smashed her lips against Draco's.

Cora knew, with sudden certainty, that her heart had died the second Draco began kissing the girl back feverishly, grasping onto her. She spun around, knocking into Millicent as she scrambled back to the portrait she'd come in through. Millicent looked curiously after the girl before letting her gaze slid over the dance floor. That's when Millicent saw the heated embrace between Draco and some blonde bint.

"_Oh fuck._"

XxXxX

"Jesus, Hannah," Blaise said, grabbing the bottle of butterbeer from Hannah. "Maybe you should take it easy for a while."

Hannah stumbled uneasily in her peep-toe heels, grabbing a handful of Blaise's shirt to steady herself. "Why Blaisey? I'm fine," Hannah giggled, grabbing the bottle from Blaise's hand and attaching it to her plump lips once again. "I'm not drunk, at all. Well, maybe just a little. But not that much!" Hannah lurched into the crowd, holding the bottle over her head as her hips swayed provocatively to the music.

"That's well attractive," an all too familiar voice spoke from beside Blaise, obviously hinting at the fact that Hannah had just spilled her drink all over herself. Blaise, who was lost in a disgusted trance, only replied, "God, it's dead disgusting."

"You're the one fucking her," Hermione said, bringing her cup of firewhiskey and

pumpkin juice to her lips.

"Yeah, unfortun- Hermione?" Blaise turned to the girl beside him, mouth gaping open in a rather unattractive manner.

"Nah, Ron Weasley," Hermione bit out, rolling her eyes. "Ha ha, funny," Blaise retorted, walking over to the nearest sofa and taking a seat. He really did not need this right now, not with the girl he was in _fucking _love with. He felt the cushion next to him sink down with the weight of a body and turned to find Hermione perched next to him.

"You're not supposed to walk away from someone while they're trying to have a conversation with you," Hermione gently chided, "it's not polite." The next thing Blaise did was not very polite either, but not a word or complaint could escape Hermione's lips, seeing as they were quite occupied. Pulling the curly-haired witch into his lap, Blaise attacked Hermione's mouth with his own, caressing her lips with his tongue until they parted and granted him access to her hot, wet mouth. Nothing could tear the two apart. Nothing. Except, perhaps, a drunk Hannah Abbott.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, you fucking slag! Get your fucking hands off my boyfriend!" Hermione found herself being torn out of Blaise's lap and falling ungracefully onto the floor. Her drink, which had been held carefully in an outstretched hand as she kissed Blaise, crashed to the floor, splattering onto her jeans.

"Fucking hell, Hannah," Blaise said, incredulously, staring at the blonde as though she were deranged. Crouching down next to Hermione, he asked, "Are you alright?"

"Oh fuck off, Blaise," Hannah said scathingly, "this is between me and that bitch."

"Don't you dare, Hannah," Blaise spoke, his tone icy and menacing. "Don't you fucking dare speak to her that way."

"Oh, and why should you care, Blaise?" Hannah's voice became thicker with the impending tears. "I'm your girlfriend, not that cow!"

"Not anymore you're not. I can't keep doing this." By now, the people nearest to the two screaming people had stopped chatting or dancing to watch. A couple feet away, Hermione could see people straining to hear the conversation over the music, pointing at her in her place on the floor.

"What are you talking about? What can't you keep doing?" Hermione got to her feet and brushed at her jeans as the tears began.

"This, Hannah. This whole relationship with you. Oh come on now, don't start crying, please. It's only been a week or two."

"How could you? You led me on, you bastard. Letting me tell you that I loved you, that you were different. Well you're not! You're the fucking same as every other prick out there!"

"Undoubtedly. See? I'm bad for you. I'm not a good person. You deserve better."

"But you're what I want!"

"No, not really, Han, not really."

"Fine. Fuck you. I never want to fucking see you ever again!"

Blaise turned to Hermione, mouth opened, prepared to explain himself. "Don't," Hermione stopped him. "Just don't, okay? I'm leaving." Blaise stared after Hermione, who stared after Hannah, as they both exited the Common Room. The crowd that had surrounded the trio went back to drinking and dancing, and Blaise went back to drinking alone. He only hoped that Hermione might show up to their gig the next day.

XxXxX

"Who the _fuck_ are you," Draco said, scrambling away from the blonde who was lying in his bed.

"Niamh," the girl said slowly, confused by Draco's outburst.

"Well where the fuck did you come from?!"

The girl's bright blue eyes widened, and she ran a hand through her hair. "I've been here, luv. Since last night."

"Last night," Draco questioned uneasily, his thoughts drifting immediately to Cora, wondering where she was. "Did I let you sleep in my bed, or something? Could you not make it back to your own dorm?" The girl merely laughed at Draco's question.

"You let me do a bit more than sleep, darling." The girl winked and spared a glance to Draco's torso, which was littered with love bites and scratch marks. Draco's head snapped down and he took in the damage. "What about Cora?"

"Who," the girl asked, lost. "Hope that's not your girl. And if it is, well, I hope she doesn't mind sharing."

"Oh holy mother of Jesus," Draco mumbled behind his hands, which he had angrily slapped to his face. "What the fuck have I done?"

"Me. Well and thoroughly."

"Shut the fuck up, will you? And get the fuck out of my bed."

XxXxX

Pansy, head resting on Daphne's shoulder, reached for a piece of toast to nibble on. "No more raves, Mil. Look, it's only made everyone depressed." Blaise sat across from her, viciously stabbing into an innocent apple with a butter knife. Draco sat next to Millicent, looking as if he may break down in tears any second.

"Oh come on, everyone, heads up! Things'll work out," Millicent said cheerily, swiping jam on a piece of toast.

"Fuck you, Mil, fuck you. You should've never left me alone with those things," Draco bit out, dropping his fork before standing from the table. "I'll see you later." Blaise's eyes followed Draco as he left the Great Hall. "Yeah, me too," the Italian boy said as he excused himself from the table.

"Well Jesus, if I'd known that things were gonna get this bad, I never would've suggested it in the first place," Millicent grumbled, upset that everyone had instantly turned against her. "And we've got a fucking show tonight! How the fuck are we supposed to play if we can't even look at each other. God dammit."

**A/N: **Relatively short. Hope you enjoyed anyway. Coming up, the big show! Do the problems get resolved? Until next time... (:


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